Female roommate goes for her weekly shower. Male roommate returns from school while she's showering and asks to be let in the bathroom to piss, seeing as it's the only bathroom. She makes a scene. Leaves the bathroom mostly flooded. Then exits the house by the front door, leaving said door open, as usual. I go to walk my dog. When I return, male roommate asks me not to let female roommate into the house if she comes back when he's not in. Heeeeeeeeeeeeeey! Don't need to tell me twice. I'll be happy to not let her back in even when you're home, too. And let me assure you, it's not you, it's her.

Tatelena: Hey heYyyyyyyyyy!

Me: It reminds me of that Simpsons episode when Homer and Marge go to a marriage retreat and the counsellor says to Marge "It's all his fault. I'm willing to put that on a certificate you can frame." Except the other way around.

Tatelena: Ahah!!

Donna: You paint a great picture. Your room mates sound like characters out of some sitcom. You will have to let us know....did you let her in...or not?

Tatelena: yes do tell!!

Me: Yeah, I did. He was home. He didn't say not to let her in when he IS home. She said she wouldn't be long. So far she's been an hour, but they're not having make-up sex and they're not talking, so I don't think they're getting reconciled. Sounds like packing to me, but I'm downstairs minding my own business. I'll keep you posted.

Tatelena: Teehee. The anticipation is killling me! Sad sad life i lead hahaahha

Donna: Aw. You caved....you are more of a softy than you portray. Or you let her in hoping she would pack her stuff up!

Me: Actually I thought it might be UPS. :(

(At 22:27.) Me: Things are being carried down the stairs. Everything's coming up Milhouse!

Donna: Did you offer her your packing boxes.....and help with packing? Here's your hat what's your hurry type of thing?

Tatelena: Eeek! Go check on ur toaster!!!!!!

(At 22:46.) Me: SNAKE EYES! I just helped the boy load up all his expensive computer equipment in his car. Er... Beg pardon? I didn't ask cause it's none of my business, but he explained that he's evacuating anything of his that he doesn't want to get broken. Now he's out, she's upstairs crying on the phone, and that darn dog is wandering around downstairs... if he shits again I think words will be said.

But yes, thank God Almighty, my toaster is safe.

(At 23:45.) Me: The boy has returned and is now hauling more stuff down the stairs. Stuff that looks a lot more like hers. It's funny, back in my day I'm pretty sure breaking up involved a lot more screaming. Also make-up sex. Also one-for-the-road sex. Also don't-remember-why-we-broke-up sex. But then, it's been a long time since I did any of that.

Maybe nowadays people break up by text message.

(At 00:02.) Me: Now he's making himself a bed in the empty room, suggesting that she's sleeping here tonight. Dafuq? And doesn't he have to go to school tomorrow? Poor guy's gonna be some tired. Maybe I should put a lock on his door tomorrow too.

Donna: Hahaha. This is a strange breakup...don't think it is the final one yet.... Is it just the three of you or is there other people?

Me: There are two more people, Downstairs Roommate and her eight-month-old baby. But she has a whole self-contained suite down there so she doesn't come up much. I try to talk to her whenever I see her but she seems shy.

Donna: Too bad she doesn't come up more.......she would have lots of entertainment.... for free!

Me: One of these days I'm gonna take her out for coffee or something and we'll gossip. Maybe this weekend when the baby is at her parents'.

(At 00:15.) Me: Now the boy is sitting outside in his car honking the horn. I wonder why. Their windows face the other side of the house so there isn't much chance of getting her to come downstairs that way. And if he's trying to communicate with me, he could just come in the house. I've been helping him out any time he asks. Unless he broke his leg, crawled to the car, and needs help coming back inside, but that would make no sense. The only place to break one's leg is on the stairs, and then he'd just have crawled back into the house.

Donna: OK this guy is a nitwit.. what the hell time is it in your part of the world? The whole neighborhood is going to be pissed off.

Me: 12:17 am. I should go to bed, but this is so fascinating! I'm pretending to research flood myths, but really I wanna see how it goes down.

Donna: Hahaha...forget floods .....this is better than myths! The high rise wasn't half this exciting.

Me: Now the girl went outside. Maybe they'll have make-up sex in the car. And don't even go there with the Highrise... Too many of those dramas ended in death.

Donna: OK. Keep watching the car! Don't let me distract you.

Me: Can't see the driveway from the couch. I should get me some snazzy shades and popcorn and sit at the window watching.

Donna: Can you just lock the outside door and hope they don't have keys?

Me: Well if he's in the car, I'm guessing he's got keys. And MY window is over the driveway so I'd be kinda shooting myself in the foot.

It's a good thing my life is free of drama, cause I'd hate to be, say, breaking up with a dude, and know the whole time that some snarky bitch is broadcasting the whole thing on Facebook.

Donna: Lol. If they found out.... you will find yourself outside...toaster and all

Me: But the great thing about Winnipeg, unlike Hay River, is that the people you're badmouthing on Facebook are not friends of your friends and therefore don't have a backdoor into your private Facebook updates. Especially when your name is "Elise Marie" and half a million people come up on a search.

Donna: This sounds like a "Rear Window" situation. If you have seen the movie.

Me: I haven't, but through the magic robots of Winnipeg, I see that the library branch that I frequent has a copy of it. I could put a hold on it right now and pick it up tomorrow. See how amazing this place is?

(At 00:39.) Me: Ok, this is now boring and I don't want to be downstairs if/when their dog shits in the living room again. Let them clean it up for a change. I'm going to bed.