Mistook Jupiter for a star. I'm dumbening!

Message from non-Canadian, non-fluent-anglophone Facebook friend: "Winnipeg means? You most of the time use."

Ha. I didn't realize I was saying "Winnipeg" so much it seems like a regular word to an outside observer.

Sometimes I just really should not google everything. Like "Silver-Russell Syndrome." Just no real reason to google that. Especially when I should be learning about the Western Zhou in Le Giant ILL Book instead.

It rains a lot in Winnipeg. I thought I might need a Mackintosh. But I can't afford a Mackintosh, so I figured I'd get a K-Way. You know how much the basic K-Way costs? $54. SRSLY. I owe my mother an apology for the dozens I lost as a kid.

Studying: can't keep eyes open. Go to bed: so awake I can't blink. AGAIN. Scumbag Braaaaaaaaaaain! I'll get you for this!

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who use way too much Dap, and those who use no Dap at all.

After a long night of coffee and judiciously applied reinforcers, my progress on Le Giant ILL Book is not encouraging. I really think I'm gonna have to cut work Monday night.

From a political poem of the Western Zhou, ca. 895 BCE:

"You utter talk that is not true,
And make plans that are not far-reaching."

Wow. Good thing our political system has TOTALLY CHANGED since then and is totally superior!!!!!

I wonder how dopamine affects memory.

Things to do before more studying: 1) beat this level of Candy Crush; 2) finish my coffee; 3) go pee; 4) take dog for a pee; 5) make more coffee. I'm ever so productive!

Sitting on the couch in my favourite WHITE blankie studying when I decide to make a coffee... but only if I'm really really really really careful not to spill it on my blankie. Which I didn't. I certainly did NOT spill any coffee on my favourite white blankie. I just dipped the corner of the blankie in the coffee, that's all. >8(

(You know what's worse? I own a coffee-coloured blankie that I made coffee-coloured ON PURPOSE to be used while drinking coffee, so coffee spill wouldn't show. Tabarnak chuis cave en esti.)

"In the eleventh year of Shang king Wen Ding's reign (r. ca. 1116 - 1107 B.C.)".

Ummmmm... Y u no learn math in history school?

Made it to the weekend without punching my boss. Some people just never realize the Criminal Code is all that stands between them and the beating of their life.

Costume change from ballet to warehousing: 30 seconds.

A tow truck towing a city bus. I wonder how much that costs.

Wake up. Try to understand what the sound is that woke me up. Eventually identify it as: the alarm clock. Try to understand why the alarm clock is ringing. Sigh... Another long day ahead.

You know what I hate the most about my supervisor? He's just smart enough not to talk to me again the rest of the day just after I make up my mind that the next word out of his mouth I'm writing him up for harassment.

If they delegate management tasks any further down at work, the spiders will be the ones in charge. Which might actually go a lot smoother.

My pastor told me that "it" (meaning a boyfriend) "will happen eventually."

I don't think we're friends anymore. >8(

I'm not gonna pretend I'm good at millwork, but putting the bolt in backwards is unusually stupid even for me.

I need to contaminate margarine with a fairly large dose of cod liver oil without significantly altering its appearance. Any ideas?

Ioana: Melt it, mix it, pour it back in the tub, let it cool off

Me: Doesn't it separate? I mean when you melt it.

Ioana: I don't think so. You don't have to bring it to the boiling point, just melt it.

Me: Eeeeexcellent.

Ioana: Hope it works!

Me: Knowing me, I'm just gonna do something grown-up and responsible like get a lock box to keep the roommate out of my food. But if I go with the cod liver oil, I'll let you know how it goes.

It pisses me off that no matter what neurotransmitter you google, all you get is articles about sex.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Things I like to do in my free time: singing; ballet; going to museums and concerts; photohunting; reading the Economist; learning the entire history of the world. Things "friends" text me to ask if I can do in my free time: babysit; run errands; drive them places; lend them my car (!!!!); lend them my bus pass; lend them money; maintain their yard; change lightbulbs; split firewood; clean their eavestroughs.

And this is why I write "friends" in scare quotes. (And also why I don't give out my phone number.)

For five hours, the dog fussed while I tried to sit quietly. Now that I want to get ready for bed, she's finally sound asleep and I'll have to wake her up. Scumbag EVERYTHING.

I resent games that allow vertical or horizontal lines but not diagonals. Diagonals are perfectly cromulent lines, damn it!

Le giant ILL book, day 9. Pages read: 208. Pages behind schedule: 278. Pages left to read: 824, or 75 per day.

Things I learned this week: 1) yaokeng; 2) ercengtai; 3) "I don't like confrontation" is really a cop out for "I have no integrity whatsoever and I don't plan on getting any."

Things I love about Winnipeg: when my Twitter feed comes up with "police investigating early morning homicide" and a) it wasn't someone I know; b) it wasn't even in my building; and c) I didn't hear about it ten times in the elevator before I logged in to Twitter.

A coworker has been absent for two days after he allegedly "hurt his balls while lifting paint." Sadly he did not fill out an incident report so speculation has been rampant as to HOW lifting paints involves his testicles at all. (Ok, half my team is barely literate, you can't really expect them to think "inguinal hernia" when someone says "balls".)

When suddenly, all the lights in the store go dark. Hmmmm... That's gonna cause confusion and delays.

Upon reading the news on Twitter, the best I can say about it is j'm'en câlisse en maudit.

The absolute last thing I want to do right now is pry my arse off the couch and drag myself to work.

My new voice teacher asked me to sing "I know that my Redeemer liveth" with the body language from "the hills are alive". Strangely, it turned out beyond awesome. Newfies are so full of clever ideas like that.

From my Twitter feed: "Wrecking ball hits Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth's relationship as they call off engagement" (AP) How strange. Who wouldn't want to marry such a classy individual, full of good judgment and dignity?

“Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book.” -Marcus Tullius Cicero, 106-43 BCE

I could go to bed, you know. It's 2:30 am. But it's so nice to sit up in bed, feeling well rested, with many recreation options, no need to get up in the morning... and think about my team being at work right now trying to fix the giant clusterfuck that management has been building up for weeks. HAHAHAHAHA! Suckers.

Do not order another ILL now. Do not order another ILL now. Do not order another ILL now. Do not order another ILL now.

Le giant ILL book, day four: "only" 39 pages behind so far, thanks to the fact that much of the content does not relate directly to my research.

Suddenly I missed Hay River. Specifically, the fact that you're pretty much "home" no matter where in town you are. But then it passed.

I come back from church and the little princess is gone. Leaving most of his stuff behind, and not paying the NSF charges he owes us. I've never seen such a fucking pussy in my life.

Ok, so "If with all your hearts" may be "a beast" but it's orders of magnitude easier than Redeemer. I can just about a) sight read it and b) sing it back a capella after three reads. Am I gonna give a heart-rending performance like Gregory Dahl? No. But then I also don't get paid as much as Gregory Dahl so give me a break.

Ballet is supposed to make me graceful. I didn't know that scratching your crotch because of razor burn was considered "graceful".

Tatelena: Lmfao!!

Deirdre: depends on how you do it...

Me: Are you saying there IS a graceful way to scratch your crotch? They haven't taught us that part yet.

Deirdre: I'm sure the only graceful way to do it would involve ballet somehow.

Which is taller: Pan Gu or Long Cat?

I got an email from World Vision. My sponsored child's community no longer needs World Vision sponsorship and therefore my sponsorship is ending. WHAT????? Nooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've been sponsoring him for seven years. He's IMPORTANT to me. You can't take him away! Boohoohoohoohoohoohoo I'm gonna cry.

I'm pretty sure The Economist made up the term "Big Yogurt".

A wasp got in the house. I was gonna leave it to terrorize the little princess, but he might have harmed it. If I could get a dragonfly, though...

Picked up my latest ILL on the way to ballet. It's 1032 pages, 20 days, no renewals. Hmmm... Better call in sick to work for a while.

Two hours till ballet. As if it wasn't cruel enough making adult beginner ballet students wear PINK ballet tights, they're just sheer enough that you can't quite get away with not shaving your legs.

Damnit, I knew I was overpaying my phone bill... I paid it once through online banking and once on my credit card. D'oh!!!

Found my ballet gear. The stage is my oyster now.

Ballet starts tomorrow and I can't find my clothes. After searching my room for an hour, I notice I didn't see my swimming gear, either. As those two thing are among my most prized possessions and I ascertained their continued safety before the last move, I conclude that I carefully packed them together somewhere they're sure not to be messed with. So sure that I can't even mess with them myself. Hmmmm... Help me out, here, Brain.

Wow. Dancewear store is a whole new experience.

I need a massage. And a really strong drink. Or I can just sleep... I guess that will do.

New voice teacher: Think of (your waist) as a big tire that's slowly expanding.

Me: What a thing to say to a middle-aged woman!!!

The library has 15 books on ancient China. Sad.

Strange how a wasp and a fly feel totally different when they walk on your hand.

Woke up to find a huge scratch on my hip. The only logical explanation is, there must be a nail in my bed. Oh well. I'm vaccinated.

Allen: Alien abduction?

Me: That was my first thought, of course, but it's really not in the right place for an alien probe. They'd just be hitting bone. (Ok, fat, then bone.)

74 hours later. Credit card payment: still not processed. Music order that was to ship "within 24 hours": still not processed. Mail: still didn't come. Maybe I'll just leave all my obligations until three days later, see how everyone likes them apples.

I made a Pakistan cricket joke and somebody laughed. FINALLY someone gets my humour! Too bad he lives in South Africa.

On my Twitter feed: "Corée du Nord : le dictateur Kim Jong-Un serait papa d'une petite Ju-Ae". Is it just me or does that sound totally surreal?

Caroline: non, ça m'a fait le même effet.

Dear roommates: I could have made a pointed comment about your habit of leaving both kitchen sinks completely full of your belongings so no one else can use them. Or I could have pointedly moved your stuff to someplace inconvenient for you. But I didn't. I left them exactly as you left them. Because I'm nice like that.

PS: this may explain why your clean dishes accidentally came in contact with the raw chicken I was handling.

Contents of my garde-manger: brown rice pasta; brown rice; white rice; barley; buckwheat; quinoa; four kinds of tea; and a gigantic tub of Nesquik. Mmmm... Health food...

Girl on the bus is wearing really cute hijab.

I let all the old ladies board the bus before me. The young men get impatient and cut in front of me. So glad I don't date.

Clearly, Superstore is not the place to buy your quinoa, much less amaranth.

Railway crossing warnings light up in front of bus. Driver hesitates. Almost got caught between the gates. Riding bus is so much fun.

No mail yet. Credit card payment not cleared yet. Cold not gone yet. Music order not shipped yet. EVERYTHING FUCKING GET DONE ALREADY, I'M OUT OF PATIENCE.

The dog was licking her privates while I ate a Nutella sandwich. I offered her some of my sandwich. She looked at it... and went back to licking her privates. ???? I'm gonna need some aloe for that burn...

Seriously craving some oxytocin. :(

And if the dog doesn't stop f'ing pacing around the living room I'm going to shoot her. (Ok not really but fuuuuuuuuh... won't walk when we go out, won't stop walking when we're inside. With her evil little nails clicking on the hardwood floor. Driving me NUTS.)

The other thing about the Economist is, it's the only thing I have that doesn't require significant effort to do. Without my Economist I have to be doing hard things all the time. Sigh...

Me: So I ordered some new music and one thing I ordered is "If with all your hearts" from Elijah.

Voice coach (≠ voice teacher): Oh good for you! It's brutal!

Me: Huh?

Voice coach: Oh yeah, it's a beast!

Me: Er... Really?

Voice coach (brightly): Yeah! My brother-in-law [Gregory Dahl] sang it at my father's funeral and he really had to work at it!

Me: I see.

Sigh...

Well, since I can't find a choir, maybe I'll take drawing after all. And/or dodgeball.

Or aerial dance!

Or both!

Or just sleep.

Or Gilbert or Sullivan?

One roommate was out of town. I was at work. In the night, my two slices of cheescake in the fridge got carefully cut each in half. The roommate who WAS in the house and also buys this four-variety pack of cheesecake from time to time denies any involvement with the cheesecake or even liking it at all.

Roommates are cunts.

Boooohoohoohoohoo I'm so sad...

"Hello Elise,

Thank you for coming in and giving such a well prepared audition. I wanted to contact you personally to let you know that I will not have space in the ensemble for you this season.

The amount of singers requiring this ensemble for credit, the cancellation of two other credit ensembles, and the limits of rehearsal space have put me in a position of making some difficult decisions with respect to membership. I was impressed with the potential you showed at your audition, however, and there are some other choirs that you may wish to consider contacting. I’ve included the contact information below."

Jackie: That's too bad, but it might be the nicest audition rejection letter I've read

Me: Merci ma cousine. And Jackie, totally agree.

I found a baby squirrel that fell out of a tree. He seemed ok except for a bloody nose, but that and the fall suggests a brain injury. He had no trouble climbing on my shirt, but whenever I put him on the tree he didn't climb. And his mother was nowhere to be seen.

Diana: So what did you do? Take him home and perfect high c together?

Me: He'd have died if I had done that. He doesn't have teeth yet, therefore he isn't weaned, therefore there isn't much I can do to feed him. Even supposing Sissi didn't kill him first. Also his siblings in the tree cried like lost souls when I tried to walk away with him.

Damnit, how long does it take a choir director to pick 46 singers? Call me back, woman, I worked my ass off on your test piece.

Susan: good luck!

Me: Thanks. She liked me but the choir in question is a credit course for music majors at the University so she has to give them priority. So whether I get in or not depends on how many music students want it for their ensemble credit.

Well it's hotter than a four-balled tomcat with a blowtorch, I say.

I'm riding a very short bus to work. Strange...

According to The Economist, "firing missiles into civilian-populated areas" is a war crime. Drones, though, are "maintaining order."

So the little princess finally produced the rent money. After the rent cheque bounced. On being told he'd pay the bank charges, he announced that he's moving "coz this is bullshit." Yeah, don't let the door hit you on the way out. Or my foot.

Megan: Paying rent is bullshit? I suppose if I were given the choice, I would prefer not to pay mine, either, but I wasn't aware that was an option.

Me: I'm pretty sure he asked to move in with us thinking that we'd be doing nothing but serve him, and all this refusing to cooperate is just trying to prove what a big man he is. Typical abusive crap. Sadly miscalculated on his part since abuse is only possible because someone would rather take it than lose you. We're happy to lose him, so now he's screwed and I'm laughing like a hyena.

The worst part of auditions is waiting for callbacks.

The dog is staring at me again. And here I thought I left all my creepy stalkers back in Hay River. :(

"The Economist's hive mind". Mmmmmm... Hive mind...

I was thinking of attending a cinema to view the new Riddick movie, but it sounds pretty much identical to the OLD Riddick movie, so I don't think that's a productive use of my money.

Turns out I was wrong in stereotyping all Pakistani as perfectly normal people just like the rest of us. The Pakistani roommate (a.k.a. the little princess) is refusing to pay his rent because he "already paid it". Meaning the amount he paid August 15 for damage deposit and half month rent, just like the rest of us. So he emailed the landlord to get an explanation of "how the rent works." Ok, I see now why you're a grad student. Cause you choose not to function with the rest of us. I still choose to believe that he's an exception and the REST of Pakistan is perfectly normal people just like the rest of us, though.

Ioana: Well, there's idiots everywhere.

Me: Yeah. And most of them are my roommates.

The best part of an audition is when it's over.

6 minutes. NERVES.

24 minutes. Some dude is whistling the test piece. Badly.

33 minutes. Can't have coffee before singing. Hmmm... They should make an Epipen with caffeine in it. And diphenhydramine.

67 minutes. My voice sounds like an old record. Rhinitis still raging. Onward, to glory!

98 minutes till audition: can't find my pants. Fuuuuh...

103 minutes until my audition. Runny nose, coughing like a coal miner, bleary-eyed and ears ruined by eight hours of country muzak. Sigh...

Time to get ready for work already? Dafuq? I've only been resting for 86 hours. NO FAIR! Plus I don't want to go to work and ruin my voice before tomorrow's audition.

If all Pakistani men were like my roommate, the Taliban would be noted for their hair-pulling attacks and not much else. The guy (if that's what he really is) can't improvise a paper fan, let alone an explosive device.

Hey, the mail just came! Funny, usually it comes at 9 am. Also, he brought me an Economist! Funny, it's the August 24 issue, i.e. the one that was released August 22, i.e. 12 days ago. Today should have been the August 31 issue, if any. I don't like this mail carrier. He's handsome and he sucks at his job.

I one-upped the Pope on Twitter. Officially "holier-than-thou"! Booya!

Sure enough, I woke up the day before my audition with a cold / allergic reaction. And of course... NO ECONOMIST.

Me: YouTube.

YouTube: Yes, Dave.

Me: Morten Lauridsen.

YouTube: . . . . . Miley Cyrus?


Dafuq.....

I wish my roommate would come downstairs and watch TV. If I turn it on myself it will look like *I* am watching TV.

Maybe my aria would sound better if I played my accompaniment in the key it's written and not in some magical imaginary key that has both sharps and flats.

Also, my voice is in awesome shape today. Too bad my audition isn't until Wednesday morning.

My neighbour, measuring something on his roof: 36 1/2.

Me: 36 1/2? I WISH!!

My neighbour: No, that's what it says.

The next day. My neighbour is making good progress on his roof.

Me: Lookin' good up there.

Neighbour: Thanks! And how's the roof?

Ok... So you totally missed my "36 1/2" joke but immediately found a double-entendre in this second comment? How do I predict your reactions based on this information?

Now that I'm done typing up 260 pages of notes, I can finally have some fun! Options include a) reading my next study book, A History of Money: from ancient times to the present day by Glyn Davies; b) reading my current relaxation book: Liquidated: an ethnography of Wall Street by Karen Ho; c) practicing for my audition on Wednesday.

Wow. I'm even less fun than I thought.

Finally all caught up on typing up my readings notes. MashaAllah. Now I can actually do something else... like write more notes.

1874 CE. Import of hashish into Egypt is permitted and taxed but possession still illegal. Er.... How does that work?

o/~ Baal o answer us! Baal o answer us! o/~

Since we don't have a microwave, the little princess uses the OVEN to reheat his food. Fuck, grad students are stupid.

The Economist celebrates 170 years. Which is also about how many of my issues they've lost, I think.

The moment when I suddenly admit that I'm not gonna do any studying tonight, turn off YouTube, and go to bed. Like a BOSS.

Deadline for soccer registration falls the day before my paycheque so I guess I won't be playing. The only other fall league that fits my schedule is... dodgeball. Dodgeball??? Srsly??? I'm not joining a dodgeball league.

My pastor after the service: Thanks for reading. You did a good job.

Me: Why thank you.

Pastor: Jeremiah is always fun, isn't it? (N.Ed.: little does he know my Jeremiah performance is loosely based on on Viktor in Underworld.)

Me: I wasn't sure whether I was gonna say /'beɪəl/ or /'bɑːl/, because, you know...

Pastor: Well it should probably be (different pronunciation with glottal stop).

Guy who's listening to conversation and invading my personal space: You know who your best friend is? (pointing upward) Him. You should just ask Him and He'll answer you. Not necessarily when you expect it, but in His own time He'll answer you.


Right... Well I may be a devout Lutheran by some standards but I'm just not gonna pray and wait for the answer to the question of /'beɪəl/ versus /'bɑːl/. Actually, I think that would be kinda rude, considering how much YHWH loves Baal.

My transitional objects are The Economist and a big smooth rock. Freudian? I think so.

Great. I'm reading at church tomorrow and it involves the word "Baal". I refuse to say /'beɪəl/, dagnabit. There is no way "aa" sounds like that, especially in a Semitic language. I'm going for /'bɑːl/. Sue me.