My pastor, after the service: So, are you having a better week than last week?

Me: I certainly am. The Lord fixed my problem.

Pastor: Really???

Me: Of course. The Lord is my shepherd, there is nothing that I shall want.

Pastor: Er... right. We should have a study group on that, you can lead.

Me: What?

Pastor: No, no, whatever you say.

Me: He DID fix my problem. Abundantly, even.

Pastor: Of course. I'm sure you're right.


Dafuq? If my pastor doesn't believe God solves problems, who will?

Facebook comments:

Caroline: Maybe he knows better.

Me: If he can say "conceived by the Holy Spirit" with a straight face (which I know he doesn't believe), he can humour me on this. Also this was just after the healing service with laying on of hands and shit so what's wrong with the Lord solving MY problems?

Dana: OK, so your pastor doesn't believe that God can fix your problems or that Jesus was conceived by the Holy Spirit, but your pastor lays hands and expects God to heal through him???? Can you remind me again Why you go to this church???

Me: Well he and I don't believe Jesus was conceived by the Holy Spirit because the Lord said "he is my son, my chosen one" (Luke 9:34) and at Jesus' baptism "this day have I begotten you" (Luke 3:22 though some manuscripts have "with you I am well pleased" instead). And I like him because he preaches a methodist theology-of-the-cross type message which agrees with my understanding of the word of the Lord. I'm really baffled by this conversation, though. Of course the Lord fixed my problem, because who else would?

Caroline: Who else caused it, by the way ?

Me: Human dishonesty. Or possibly Allah, seeing as it was a dishonest Muslim. (<- sarcasm)