Me: My eyes are itchy.

Brain: Rub them with your fingers.

Me: That will make it worse.

Brain: No it won't, it will make it better.

Me: We've tried it before. It makes it worse.

Brain: Ah, shut up. I'll just move your hand myself.

Me: Aaaaaaaaaaaugh! It burns! It burns!

Brain: Wow. I guess you were right.