Pet store employee: I've never met a dog who didn't love these expensive glucosamine cookies.

Me: You haven't met MY dog.

Employee: That's true. Does she like peanut butter?

Me: She hates peanut butter.

Employee: Then try the chicken flavour. If she doesn't like them, we have a 30-day money-back guarantee.

Me: Ok.

I return home.

Me: If it please Your Majesty, your servant bought a new brand of cookies.

Dog: You may bring one to me. Hmmmmm... (puts cookie in mouth) PTOOEY!!!! Your offering displeases My Majesty, human. Your incompetence is becoming quite taxing.

Me: Yes, Your Majesty.


Well, thank God I found this store with the 30-day money-back on dog food. Otherwise I was thinking of putting milk on it and calling it Weetabix. I can't afford to eat half the ingredients in there myself. Maple syrup? I've had real maple syrup like twice and you're putting it in a dog cookie??? And I'm giving you MY money in exchange for it? I must be on drugs.