I go out to pay the rent, leaving the dog asleep on the bed. I come back an hour later, she's in an unnaturally extended position, eyes wide open and fixed, no sign or sound of breathing. So I was like "how can you have died in the hour I was gone?" Then I poked her... and she's perfectly fine. You damn dog!!!!!!!! You're doing this on purpose. I know it. And if anyone thinks my dog isn't capable of faking her own death every fews days to fuck with my head, you just don't know Her Majesty. She always was the most manipulative little thing.