Door: Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock!

Me: .

Roommate comes running down the stairs: Did someone knock on the door?

Me: Yes.

Roommate: Who was it?

Me: I didn't look. It's Halloween.

Roommate looking out the lite in the door: I can't see anyone.

Me: Must have left then.

Roommate: But who was it?

Me: It's Halloween. Or maybe it was your son.

Roommate opening door: Sean? Sean? SEAN?

Neighbour: (inaudible to me)

Roommate coming back inside: Oh. It was a witch. (Goes back upstairs.)

Door: Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock!

Roommate comes running down the stairs: Well it must be the front door cause there's no one at the back.

Me: IT'S HALLOWEEN.

Fuuuuuuuuuuh...

This year for Halloween I'm going as a lesbian.

I've discovered a new pastime. I complain mournfully of my health without specifying what the problem is. People listen politely, because that's socially acceptable. Then, to make small talk, they're like "so what did the doctor say?" or something like that. And I say "strep throat" and they're like "WTF STREP THROAT IS CONTAGIOUS GET AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!!!!!"

LOLLLLLLLLLLLL...

Penicillin! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy! Whether or not it treats my throat affliction, at least it's the most penis I've had in 6 1/2 years.

Walking through the mall in hijab; other women in hijab smile at me. Wear hijab, make more friends.

Hmmmmmmmm... This blue hijab makes me look fat. WTF? You infidels assured me it would make me invisible!!!!

A manager at work: Are you computer savvy?

Me (suspicious): Depends what you need.

Manager, looking blankly at the Microsoft Office icons: I want to make a sign with a line around the page. Like, you know, about an inch in?

Me: Microsoft Word.

Microsoft Word: Yes, Dave.

Me: Page layout → Page Borders → Box → OK

Microsoft Word: Yes, Dave.

Manager: OMG THAT WAS AMAZING!!!!!!!

Me (joking): Yay, I get an award!

Manager: Damn rights!

.

.

.

Srsly???????

So I got an award for putting a border around a page in MS Word. Now I'll do just about anything for an award since they have a cash value, but getting an award for that makes my job sound way too easy.

Lab results not in. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!! BOoohoohoohoohoo...

Deirdre: last time I had strep I got the results the day after I finished the 5 day course of antibiotics they prescribed for me just in case. We were pretty sure it was strep so I went ahead and filled it. Turns out, it was strep! So glad I didn't suffer through 6 days of waiting for results.

Me: Yeah, I think I'm just gonna fill it. I'm getting that bad taste in my mouth like pneumonia tastes, so something kinda needs to be done. If I can just get up the energy to walk to the pharmacy.

(Later) When you think about it, that makes perfect sense. They do a Gram stain first, and if that doesn't tell them anything they do a culture.

Deirdre: And it's not a very speedy growing culture

Me: Which would be consistent with the fact that it's been getting worse very, very gradually for six days.

Still more than 12 hours before I get the results of my throat swab. I don't usually wish to test positive for anything, but I really hope this turns out to be strep throat. At least strep throat is treatable.

Seriously though, how come you can get a prescription for marijuana, which has no medicinal properties, but not for cocaine, which does? I'm pretty sure a joint would do NOTHING for my sore throat. Just like this useless cocaine-free spray. >8(

Me, typing in address bar: Wikipedia.

Wikipedia: Yes, Dave.

Me, typing in Wikipedia search bar: Wikipedia.


Sigh... it's gonna be a long day at work. Again.

Doctor: Are you on any medication?

Me: Venlafaxine.

Doctor: 150? 225?

Me: 37.5.

Doctor: LOL (That actually happened. Ed.)

Seriously, people just don't realize how powerful venlafaxine is when you're doing your CBT right.


Ioana: He laughed because 37.5 is way below any recommended therapeutical dosage. 75 mg is usually the lowest prescribed.

Me: I'm aware. I used to take 225. But 37.5 is actually all you need to get the reuptake inhibitor effect. People keep stepping it up because they don't feel better but I've never found that higher doses make you feel any better. For that you need CBT and changes in your life. I've always found there is a much greater difference in going from 0 to 37.5 than from any other change in dosage; and in addition the small additional effect from increased doses fades rapidly. Hence the constant stepping up.

I so don't have the energy to walk to the walk-in clinic.

Well, radiant health has yet to turn up. Sigh...

Historical "fact" that's actually a myth: cowries shells were widely used as a precursor to currency.

True story.

Maybe my spray has morphine in it. Cause I keep looking at the clock waiting for the time to push the plunger again.

Rust-coloured sputum! Now I'm almost guaranteed some time off work. Though with my luck, it's also possible that I'll wake up tomorrow in the most radiant health just in time to go to work after all.

Whenever my roommate wonders how her son turned out to be a drug addict I'm tempted to point out her own extremely poor behavioural controls. But, you know, why mention it when it won't do any good?

Allen likes this.

Me: And by the way, Allen, the guy she "broke up with" last weekend got horny so they're back "together."

I got an over-the-counter throat spray from Shoppers. It contains NO cocaine or even lidocaine. What a gyp. >8(

It's -3 C outside. I turned the heat in the house down to 17 C so it hasn't kicked in for hours. I'm sitting in front of my open window. And I'm getting warmer and warmer. Menopause or... actual fever? I wonder if I can leverage this into calling in sick Monday.