True story: I went to use a computer at work and the previous person had left a Google search open. The question was: "convert cubic inches to square inches."

And...

Since we associates don't have access to Google on our accounts, that means it was a manager.

Pro Desk manager, apart: Argh! She's SO STUPID!

I glance at what she's doing and see she has a list of instructions from the new ASM (who's been here for weeks and no one even knows her name cause she can't be bothered to speak to people).

Me: You know what else, too? The new guy makes me really, really tired.

Pro Desk manager: Really? What does he do? I mean, other than NOTHING.

Me: That's pretty much it.

=====
We're just all brimming with respect for each other, in accordance with company policy.

Friday night at work: 100% attendance. Rest of the week: 65% attendance. True story.

Look, Winnipeg. It's one thing to pretend you have cold weather. Maybe you think it makes you look badass when you complain about -26 C. But really, the mosquitoes? What do you gain by lying about the mosquitoes? You don't have mosquitoes, Winnipeg. You don't even know what a mosquito is. Your mosquitoes are like your winters, wimpy and harmless. Shut up or I'll give you something real to cry about.

My day suddenly got much more exciting when I found 400 eentsy weentsy explosive charges spilled in one of my skids of freight.

In other news, the only decent manager at my store is quitting. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!!!!!!!!!! Woe is me. When I found out the rude guy on my team was looking at me and he was like "you look like you're in shock." And I was. One theory is that he got a public ass-chewing from one of the others and had enough of it. Another theory is that he was in way over his head. (I don't see what that has to do with anything, ALL our managers are in way over their heads.) I talked to him briefly as he was ending his shift and his theory is that he got a more interesting offer with better hours somewhere else.

Boohoohoo I'm so sad.

Later that day, I discovered that a headache doesn't have to be EITHER dehydration OR caffeine withdrawal. Ai crie.

Sometimes you can't really tell the difference between a dehydration headache and caffeine withdrawal headache.

"There are four ways, and only four ways, in which we have contact with the world. We are evaluated and classified by these four contacts: what we do, how we look, what we say, and how we say it." - Dale Carnegie (really?)

I woke up and found that the dog had climbed on the bed all by herself and made herself comfortable in the spot she used to pick years ago when we had a double bed and she was well enough to jump up and down. I miss those days.

Karen: Awwww. Glad she was able to do it last night

Me: I put my mattress on the floor since we moved into the apartment, that way she can climb down without hurting herself (even though she still falls) and she can climb up, but she had only done it so far when she's agitated. It's the first time that she just climbed up quietly and made herself comfortable.

Karen: Ah, great! She must have felt relatively well last night then

Me: I hope so. She was really poorly on the weekend.

You know you're cheap when you walk into a thrift store you haven't been before and you're shocked to see pants priced as high as $10.

Karen: Agree, that is way too expensive!

Édith: I agree too!

Me: Oh, so it's not just me? I expect to pay about $2 for pants. $5 if they're designer pants like my Ralph Lauren jeans.

Love is when the dog wants to sleep in your bed because she has diarrhea and feels miserable... and you actually let her.

I wonder if anyone is keeping a catalog of all known archaeological sites. Cause that would be remarkably handy.

Am I the only one who looks in the closet Sunday morning and thinks "dang, I got nothing in liturgical colour"?

Catholic friend: Yes.

Anglican friend: The only people I know who come close would not think "dang", they would want to know what had happened to their stuff in the right colour.

Me: Well all my green shirts are dirty.

For you shall go out in joy, and be led back in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall burst into song, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands. (Isaiah 55:10-11)

Budgeted hours for our department this week: 500.

Hours we actually scheduled: 593.

Hours people actually showed up for: about 520, I think.

Number of trailers we should have done: 56, give or take.

Number of trailers we actually did... I don't think we even count anymore. I'm not sure we're even averaging one a night. I wonder at what point someone will think there is something wrong with this.

This morning when the day shift came in, the Hardware guy to whom I hand off said "wow, you look tired. I mean, you don't usually look THIS tired." Which is passing odd considering that this may have been the least work I've ever done in a week at Home Depot.

The bus full of annoying people took a wrong turn. Now all the annoying people are stuck on the bus together. Ew.

The Friday night bus is always full of creepy annoying people who aren't there during the week.

There. I created an Urdu verb tense matrix. Would it really have been too much to ask for my grammar book to have one?