Bus 18 goes to every French food joint I know of in Winnipeg. How magical is that? I could ride on one bus all day picking up fabulous food along the way and pig out like no tomorrow when I get home.

After calling every hour since 8 am, I finally got a hold of Home Depot. Now I have another interview, on Wednesday. I'll be glad to get the job (inshallah), but that's the slowest hiring process I've ever seen.

Here's to you, roommates

For the first time since moving, I had The Dream. The inevitable dream, which I knew would inevitably happen because it was inevitable that this inevitable dream would inevitably happen. Yes, I'm talking about the dream where I'm back in Hay River again and I'm freaking out about why I'm back in Hay River instead of living the dream here in Winnipeg. And then in the dream I thought "and here I thought I'd never see these people again!" But I still never got to see anyone because I was lying in bed in my apartment in the Highrise and then I woke up. Goodbye, Hay River, see you again in my dreams!

So NOW they're having make-up sex. But first, make-up video games! Seriously? I think that's a pretty good sign you're too young to be having sex at all.

Soooooooooooooo... I decide to figure out where my phone is before going to bed, since it doubles as my alarm clock. Hey, the little red light is blinking! NOW who tried to harass me? "Missed call. New voicemail." Someone left VOICEMAIL? That means it's not a stalker. Woohoo! My lucky day! So what's on the voicemail then? "Hello, this is Raya at Home Depot." O M Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Can't believe they called me back at 18:14 on the last day of the period they said they'd call me. Anyway, they want another interview. O M Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Everything's coming up Milhouse!

And in other news, the two idiots are reconciled. He caved after she decided to sleep here last night, thus preventing him from having a bed to sleep in until he gave up knowing he was right (about something very expensive of his that she broke). You sold your integrity to avoid sleeping on the couch? That is SO weak. So now walking the dog FOR REAL has been added to his list of chores, which as you recall, already included EVERYTHING. And now she's back to her loud, fake normal self. Thank God those moods never last with them.

Donna: Well I guess your entertainment continues. Maybe you should start taking pictures of all the dog crap and make an album for your landlord.

Me: I think it entertains y'all a lot more than me. And yes, I do take pictures of the dog crap. And I'm going to be billing them for every time I clean up. What's a good rate for cleaning up a bio-hazard?

Donna: I don't know....but bill high!

Me: Fo sho. I have a two-hour billing minimum anyway so even at $20/hour (which is fine for janitorial, but not for bio-hazard in my opinion), it's gonna cost them $42 a turd. The GST is just the icing on the cake.

It really pisses me off when I answer my phone during business hours because it COULD be something that matters to me and it's just more irrelevant crap that I don't want to hear about. Stop fucking phoning me for irrelevant crap that I don't want to hear about, so I can pick up my phone in peace knowing that it's actually worth my time for once.

Jaeda: Can I call you about irrelevant crap? Or.....wait for it...... elephant crap? SEE WHAT I DID THERE. Im so clever *he he*

Me: Oh yeah. I saw what you did there. You get a toilet-flush sound for that, Missy! Though you're probably too young to remember that show.

Jaeda: I love being too young for things!

Me: I love being old. When I see the trouble it is being young, I'm damn glad I'm over that part of life. You couldn't pay me to be young again! (No, seriously.)

Her Majesty and I return from a pleasant hour-long stroll at the off-leash dog park. The moment I open the door we are greeted by the unmistakable smell of dog shit. Because of course Female Roommate went out after not walking her dog for at least 18 hours (not that she ever actually WALKS him but once in a blue moon she lets him out the back door to take a piss) so he shit in the living room again. And since nobody's home, that means of course *I* have to clean up. That poor little dog. He wanted to go with us, too, and I wouldn't take him because he creeps me out, he has shit sticking to his fur, and he doesn't have a leash or a license or probably his rabies shot either. People who mistreat dogs don't deserve to be called "human", if you ask me.

Good news: I found some photo card readers that I could use to bring my project to Staples for printing. Even better news: I don't actually have to bring my project to the store - I can just upload it through their website and then go pick it up the next day. Not so good news: turns out the lost flash drive was actually just an excuse; in reality I'm just too bloody lazy to get the thing printed at all.

I found out they also have "Mrs" America pageant. And Senior pageants. Can we have Fat Spinster pageant please? I want a foot-tall tiara to make me feel beautiful. Otherwise I feel a tantrum coming on.

I received the Feb 9 Economist on Feb 19, the Feb 16 one on Feb 22, and the Feb 23 one today. Just a couple more and I'll be receiving the news before they even happen. I'm gonna make a killing on my imaginary stocks!

Ok so Home Depot said it would take "a week or two" to do my background check and it will be two weeks tomorrow. Perhaps now would be a good time to question my optimism. And which of my references stabbed me in the back.

Female roommate goes for her weekly shower. Male roommate returns from school while she's showering and asks to be let in the bathroom to piss, seeing as it's the only bathroom. She makes a scene. Leaves the bathroom mostly flooded. Then exits the house by the front door, leaving said door open, as usual. I go to walk my dog. When I return, male roommate asks me not to let female roommate into the house if she comes back when he's not in. Heeeeeeeeeeeeeey! Don't need to tell me twice. I'll be happy to not let her back in even when you're home, too. And let me assure you, it's not you, it's her.

Tatelena: Hey heYyyyyyyyyy!

Me: It reminds me of that Simpsons episode when Homer and Marge go to a marriage retreat and the counsellor says to Marge "It's all his fault. I'm willing to put that on a certificate you can frame." Except the other way around.

Tatelena: Ahah!!

Donna: You paint a great picture. Your room mates sound like characters out of some sitcom. You will have to let us know....did you let her in...or not?

Tatelena: yes do tell!!

Me: Yeah, I did. He was home. He didn't say not to let her in when he IS home. She said she wouldn't be long. So far she's been an hour, but they're not having make-up sex and they're not talking, so I don't think they're getting reconciled. Sounds like packing to me, but I'm downstairs minding my own business. I'll keep you posted.

Tatelena: Teehee. The anticipation is killling me! Sad sad life i lead hahaahha

Donna: Aw. You caved....you are more of a softy than you portray. Or you let her in hoping she would pack her stuff up!

Me: Actually I thought it might be UPS. :(

(At 22:27.) Me: Things are being carried down the stairs. Everything's coming up Milhouse!

Donna: Did you offer her your packing boxes.....and help with packing? Here's your hat what's your hurry type of thing?

Tatelena: Eeek! Go check on ur toaster!!!!!!

(At 22:46.) Me: SNAKE EYES! I just helped the boy load up all his expensive computer equipment in his car. Er... Beg pardon? I didn't ask cause it's none of my business, but he explained that he's evacuating anything of his that he doesn't want to get broken. Now he's out, she's upstairs crying on the phone, and that darn dog is wandering around downstairs... if he shits again I think words will be said.

But yes, thank God Almighty, my toaster is safe.

(At 23:45.) Me: The boy has returned and is now hauling more stuff down the stairs. Stuff that looks a lot more like hers. It's funny, back in my day I'm pretty sure breaking up involved a lot more screaming. Also make-up sex. Also one-for-the-road sex. Also don't-remember-why-we-broke-up sex. But then, it's been a long time since I did any of that.

Maybe nowadays people break up by text message.

(At 00:02.) Me: Now he's making himself a bed in the empty room, suggesting that she's sleeping here tonight. Dafuq? And doesn't he have to go to school tomorrow? Poor guy's gonna be some tired. Maybe I should put a lock on his door tomorrow too.

Donna: Hahaha. This is a strange breakup...don't think it is the final one yet.... Is it just the three of you or is there other people?

Me: There are two more people, Downstairs Roommate and her eight-month-old baby. But she has a whole self-contained suite down there so she doesn't come up much. I try to talk to her whenever I see her but she seems shy.

Donna: Too bad she doesn't come up more.......she would have lots of entertainment.... for free!

Me: One of these days I'm gonna take her out for coffee or something and we'll gossip. Maybe this weekend when the baby is at her parents'.

(At 00:15.) Me: Now the boy is sitting outside in his car honking the horn. I wonder why. Their windows face the other side of the house so there isn't much chance of getting her to come downstairs that way. And if he's trying to communicate with me, he could just come in the house. I've been helping him out any time he asks. Unless he broke his leg, crawled to the car, and needs help coming back inside, but that would make no sense. The only place to break one's leg is on the stairs, and then he'd just have crawled back into the house.

Donna: OK this guy is a nitwit.. what the hell time is it in your part of the world? The whole neighborhood is going to be pissed off.

Me: 12:17 am. I should go to bed, but this is so fascinating! I'm pretending to research flood myths, but really I wanna see how it goes down.

Donna: Hahaha...forget floods .....this is better than myths! The high rise wasn't half this exciting.

Me: Now the girl went outside. Maybe they'll have make-up sex in the car. And don't even go there with the Highrise... Too many of those dramas ended in death.

Donna: OK. Keep watching the car! Don't let me distract you.

Me: Can't see the driveway from the couch. I should get me some snazzy shades and popcorn and sit at the window watching.

Donna: Can you just lock the outside door and hope they don't have keys?

Me: Well if he's in the car, I'm guessing he's got keys. And MY window is over the driveway so I'd be kinda shooting myself in the foot.

It's a good thing my life is free of drama, cause I'd hate to be, say, breaking up with a dude, and know the whole time that some snarky bitch is broadcasting the whole thing on Facebook.

Donna: Lol. If they found out.... you will find yourself outside...toaster and all

Me: But the great thing about Winnipeg, unlike Hay River, is that the people you're badmouthing on Facebook are not friends of your friends and therefore don't have a backdoor into your private Facebook updates. Especially when your name is "Elise Marie" and half a million people come up on a search.

Donna: This sounds like a "Rear Window" situation. If you have seen the movie.

Me: I haven't, but through the magic robots of Winnipeg, I see that the library branch that I frequent has a copy of it. I could put a hold on it right now and pick it up tomorrow. See how amazing this place is?

(At 00:39.) Me: Ok, this is now boring and I don't want to be downstairs if/when their dog shits in the living room again. Let them clean it up for a change. I'm going to bed.

Roommate gave me a big talk when I moved in about keeping my dishes apart from theirs. I buy a toaster and keep it carefully apart from their dishes... now they want to use my toaster. Um... Ok... You know what else you can borrow? My spade. For picking up your dog's crap from all over the property.

The one downside of my neighbourhood is that there is an industrial installation somewhere, I think on Nairn, that smells faintly (well, faintly from here) of dead fish. But the brain normally tunes out familiar odours so I expect I'll get desensitized to it fairly quickly.

Female roommate's new theory of why HER dog shits in the house: because MY dog is causing him to be territorial. Ummmmmmmm... How many theories do you have to try before you come to the conclusion that he shits IN the house because you never take him OUT of the house to shit? And why do all your theories involve trying to make it MY fault that YOUR dog shits in the house?

I just spent the whole afternoon on what I call the "Mike Holmes Problem", namely: once you start trying to fix some other guy's lousy workmanship, you uncover more and more lousy workmanship, ultimately causing you to rebuild the whole house. So two jobs that should have been 15 minutes total with a screwdriver ended up something like three hours and two trips to Home Depot and in the end the one job can't actually be done because it needs a Tapcon and I'm not spending my own money on that, and the other is functional but is going to need a lot of finishing work to rebuild a surface and then paint it. Thus causing me to a) miss carpentry and b) not miss working with the idiots who call themselves carpenters.

Double dilemma: my window-opening project needs a Sawzal; my door-locking project needs a jig saw. And I'm not having a "I want to go out and rent a saw" kind of day. So do I rent a Sawzal, butcher the door and window, and call it a day, or do I rent a jig saw, do a civilised job on the door, and keep chiseling the caulk off the window?

Go-go-gadget migraine! And all on a Monday morning, too.

You know who else is hot? Imran Khan.

I think I'll go to bed now. All the updates on my feed are my own and Elijah took a lot out of me. You know, all that sitting there motionless... Maybe I should question whether I'd actually have the energy to sing it myself.

And for those who don't like hot dudes, here's a nudibranch.

See? Elijah is TOTALLY HOT. And unstalkable. I was sitting there asking myself "so, self, now that you got what you wanted, was it worth leaving Hay River?" Hahaha, I crack me up. HELL YEAH IT WAS WORTH IT. This dude is like, twice as handsome as The Handsome One. Plus he's a badass baritone. Plus I don't know where he lives and whether his relationship sucks. (Ok, that's nonsense. I pretty much assume ALL relationships suck. I always was a romantic.) Life is good. Now let's just hope I get that call back from Home Depot this week; then I'm all set.

I think I'll set his photo as my desktop background instead of that one of The Handsome One that I downloaded off his FB profile. I mean... of course I never did that.

Maybe I wouldn't have to watch so much Toddlers & Tiaras if people would just upload more Iron Chef America.

Gregory Dahl, who was Elijah in today's production of Elijah. But that's not on YouTube yet, so here he is doing something totally unrelated. Funny though, if any of you know classical music a bit, he sang Elijah with much the same facial expression as this piece. That was a bit surreal.

And did I mention the dude who sang Elijah was HOT?

Elijah: amazing. Truly amazing. Civilised grown-up conversation with male roommate about the dog shit / garbage / noise / weed problem: even more amazing. Female roommate follows through on undertakings made on both's behalf by male roommate: OMG!!!!!! Ok, just kidding. That didn't happen. But hey, it was a pretty amazing day all the same.

Frenchway Cafe via Facebook: "Fresh Fruit Filled Paris Brest!!"



Me: Shangri-La. This is definitely Shangri-La.

Tiffany OMG I want to make this a the shop! This week fo sho! Keep posting delicious goodness from the outside world, please!!!

Donna: No! No! The Eclairs are already killing my diet!

Me: You have to try a Paris-Brest, Donna. You can't tell in the picture but the filling is a heavy hazelnut custard or whatever you call it... it's amazing. Way better than eclairs.

Tiffany: Elise, have you tried our eclairs? They are pretty tasty, unbiased opinion,

Me: I have tried your eclairs and they're good. But there's nothing in this world like a Paris-Brest. In the pastry genre, anyway.

Tiffany: Haha just teasing anyhow. It's Paris-Brest is good! Hard to find real ones.

Me: I know. Haven't had one since I've been in Canada. I'm hoping the French bakery knows what it's doing when it comes to Paris-Brests. And I hope their staff knows French so I don't have to figure out how an anglo would say "Paris-Brest".

Donna: I was wondering on the pronunciation of that!

Now the two dimwits are smoking weed. People are never so cunty that they can't get cuntier yet.

Internet connection fails. Windows suggests: contact Online Support. ??? Did anyone else hear a flushing sound a la Al Bundy?

City of Winnipeg Pound By-Law, 7(e): Impounded milk cows shall be milked as may be necessary and the Poundkeeper may keep the milk for his own use.

Doors, railings and flooring: loosely fastened. Window that's supposed to open easily: IMMOVABLE OBJECT. Who knew acrylic caulking had such incredible tensile strength?

Also, dryer is a piece of garbage and not properly vented to outside. OMG I'M SO SURPRISED!!!!! Not.

(later) Actually, the manufacturers knew. 134 psi. Total estimated strength of seal on my window: at least 4000 lbs. Hmmmmmmm... Not that I can't apply that much strength to it, I'm just not sure the window frame can take it.

Ultimate facepalm: just remembered that PayPal automatically provides my address to sellers and I never did update it when I moved so any Ebay purchases I've made since moving were shipped to Hay River. Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

Tiffany: Just go online and put in a short term change of address. Problem solved.

Me: Yes, but far more expensive than replacing the items that were shipped to the wrong address. My solution: contact all the sellers, get them to mail the parcel again once it's returned to them and bill me for the extra cost.

Used unscented laundry detergent in an unfamiliar machine. When the cycle was done, my laundry didn't smell like detergent, so I figured I must have put the detergent in the wrong place and ran it again. WTF??? It's *unscented* detergent, it's NEVER gonna smell like detergent. I hate you, brain. I really hate you.

What I achieved today: obtained landlady's written permission to replace the doorknob on my room with a key-entry doorknob, which technically is required by law anyway; then went and bought said doorknob ($80) and various necessities for installing it. Then I go downstairs to do laundry and I notice that Downstairs Roommate's door has a keyed-entry knob. So... Really? Like, why don't the rest of us have keyed entry on our doors? I mean, exclusive of the fact that it's required by law and should have been done before you advertised the rooms for rent? Sigh.

I think I should have two Facebook accounts: one for Hay River and one for non-Hay River. Cause they're really completely different worlds. What do y'all think?

Kim: Nooo! You have to keep letting us know what it's like on the outside

Me: Conversely, y'all keep reminding me what it was like on the inside and it's reinforcing my natural penchant for criticising everything. Maybe everyone should have themselves a Hay River and a non-Hay River account.

Tatelena: I'm from outta this world! So what do - I do

Me: I know you're seeing the weirdness too though. You can see that there is more to life than Hay River.

Tatelena: I think that's obvious even to the blind

Me: LOL The blind yes, but what about the people with their heads so far up their arses they can't see anything but BS?

Tatelena: Ahhhh yes the uppitys who aren't even remotely Uppity haahha

Me: Exactly.

Roommates' dog shit in the living room AGAIN while roommates and one set of their parents sitting eight feet away in the kitchen. WTF? TAKE CARE OF YOUR DOG you morons!

The Manitoba Regulations for Dwellings and Buildings require one toilet for every ten (10) people in a dwelling. Hmmmmmmmmm...

I was gonna go watch a cheer competition today, but then I woke up tired and with a long to-do list so I decided not to. Now I'm still tired, haven't touched my to-do list, and I'd be having more fun at cheer competition. I guess if Winnipeg has a downside it's that there is so much to do. In Hay River if you sleep for a week you didn't miss anything... here it feels like a shame if you don't go out and take in the awesomeness every day.

So anyway, I was thinking, maybe I should give up cheesecake brownies for Lent. What??? Nah... Surely the Lord wouldn't want me to do that. Better idea: buy enough cheesecake brownies for everyone in the house. That sounds pleasing to the Lord, right? But not for any roommates whose dog's shit I've had to clean up. Those need penance to be pleasing to the Lord. Ok, so what I'll do for Lent is, buy cheesecake brownies for Downstairs Roommate as well. Deal? Deal.

Then I go into the bakery after swimming and....... they didn't have any cheesecake brownies!!!!!!!! OMG... I think the Lord is stalking me!!!! What a creep... >8(

Dear Male Roommate: you know, it's not unusual for a man to find some brainless chick, put her up in his house, and provide everything so she never has to lift a finger for herself. Lots of dudes thought of it before you, and that's not why I think you're stupid. The reason you're stupid is that when dudes do that, they pick a chick who makes sure to always look stunning for them and fucks like a banshee. See, because that's what the guy gets out of the deal? Putting up a girl and doing every last thing for her so she can not bathe, not dress, not put out, and call you names all the time is just fucking stupid. So that's why I think you're stupid. That and you don't understand that garbage has to be in the garbage cart for the city to pick it up. Ok, and a few other things. But mostly you're an idiot cause you're not smart enough to pick a chick that puts out.

Conversation at the pool

Strange conversations happen at the pool. For example, two weeks ago when I was swimming laps outside lap-swim hours, some teenagers got in my way. So? It's not lap-swim hours. It's ok to be all over the pool and get in the way of people who are too cheap to pay for lap-swim hours. Nonetheless, these teenagers who got in my way apologised and then were more careful to watch where I was and stay out of my way. Dafuq? I'm definitely not in Hay River anymore.

Then today, as I was changing after swimming, another woman walks into the same row of lockers.

Me: Hello.

Woman: Hello. How is the water today?

Me: You know, I found it rather cooler than usual.

Woman: Yes, another woman who goes to my church and swims here was saying the same thing. Since it got really cold last week, the water here hasn't been as warm. I didn't swim last week though, who wants to get into a pool when it's that cold out?

Me: I didn't swim last week either. For me it's not so much getting in the pool, it's getting out with your hair wet and having to wait for the bus.

Woman: That's true. You know the coldest pool is Seven Oaks. When you're still feeling it after twenty minutes in the water, I think it's too cold.

Me: Definitely.

Woman: (exiting to pool) Have a good evening.

Me: You too! Enjoy your swim!

You know what's weird about this conversation? Several things, actually. First of all, balanced amount of talking. You speak a little, then you stop talking and I speak a little. Then I stop talking and you speak a little. See how that works? Not you talk forever, then I try to say something and you interrupt me and talk forever, then I try to say something and you interrupt me and talk forever. See the difference? I do. That's why I don't answer my phone anymore. Nobody who phones me does the first kind of conversation.

Second thing that's strange, we did not talk about a) ourselves or b) other people. We talked about a topic of mutual interest, namely pool temperatures and their relation to the weather. Something that we could both care about equally. And that was outside of ourselves. And that wasn't getting up in someone else's business.

I know, I know. It's totally crazy. And I'm so glad I'm in a place where you can have real, equal, mutual-interest conversation. I love you, Winnipeg.

140 character limit makes for cryptic updates sometimes.

First time I went swimming it got dark while I was in the water. Today I'm waiting for my connection and sun still above horizon. Word!

Decide to go swimmimg early; wait 30 min at bus stop while three scheduled buses fail to show up. WTF? I'm not mad, i'm disappointed.

My computer says it's 14:29. My phone says it's 14:29. Winnipeg Transit says it's 13:29. Um... did I miss something?

Deirdre: Winnipeg can't be perfect, they have to have one flaw and this is it.

Me: Are you dissing Winnipeg Transit? Winnipeg Transit rules!! I think Winnipeg's biggest problem, that I can see, is the shortage of doctors. But that's not unique to Winnipeg either.

Today is such a perfect day for so many reasons, and here I've been melancholy all day because of a dream I had. Dreams: your brain's way of telling you it hates you forever.

All those extra tickets to Elijah that were released on Wednesday are sold out already. Good thing I got mine!

Guess whose reason for quitting her jobs and moving to Winnipeg was found acceptable by Service Canada?

And it was approved in EIGHT business days. Fastest EI decision I've ever seen. Is it a bad sign that I'm THAT GOOD at winning EI decisions?

Tatelena: Yes n yes!

Me: I thought so too... If I rocked job applications like I rock EI applications, I'd never need EI...

Maybe I should have singing practice first thing when I get up instead of in the evening. One always sings better first thing in the morning. Plus with the roommates finally quiet, I'd hear myself better...

22:00. Time to wrap up singing practice and turn off the piano so I can... better hear the roommates disturbing the peace of quiet hours? That's great. Maybe I'll go eat more of that pasta you kids left on the counter. If you'd put it in the fridge like normal people I'd feel bad raiding your tupperwares, but hey, it's on the counter. And I cleaned up your dog's shit three times. I think I deserve a few penne.

My phone keeps ringing, almost always outside business hours, and no one leaves a message. Someone is stalking me and I don't like it. Please stop stalking me, Hay River. I got nothing more to give you.

I was gonna take some classes with my dog, but there doesn't seem to be any classes for her particular idiom. She already knows everything in those classes, she just doesn't bother to do it. But if she doesn't bother to do basic obedience, they won't let her into agility. Sigh...

Let's see, what to do with the rest of the day... My Little Pony on Netflix, something probably even worse on YouTube, or read up on the Piora Oscillation? Tough choices. Very tough.

Finally, a real walk!

Finally, it's really nice out, I'm confident enough to drive somewhere, and I don't have something urgent I think I have to do. So I googled up a place to walk the dog. Technically I chose this house because of its proximity to, amongst others, Kil-Cona park. Because it has an off-leash area. But I didn't want to go there today, for reasons that elude me at this time. So I looked at the map again and found something that looked promising: Transcona Bioreserve. It seemed easy to drive to, and the website said there might be birds. So first I washed the Fnord (finally!), then we drove out to Transcona Bioreserve. Which is not as easy to find as it looked on the map, because the sign is small and set back from the road, and when you're driving along said road it's hard to spot the tiny gap in the fence by which you're supposed to enter. But we made it, and we had an Actual Walk.

Man, I can't even remember when we last had an Actual Walk together. Where we went somewhere for some purpose other than bathroom breaks. I think it was before it started snowing in Hay River, because since then I've been too scared of the ice to go out much. Plus the dog wasn't feeling well. But here in Winnipeg, the ground is safe to walk on, and we've both been feeling much better, as far as I can tell. I don't know if it's the sunlight, the air quality, or a general feeling of optimism, but we feel better. Sadly, I misjudged the weather; it was much windier, and therefore much colder, in the park than on the back step of the house. So we were only there half an hour, but it's ok. Next time will be longer.

As for these photos, obviously they're pretty primitive, but at least they're there. When is the last time I took photos? That I can answer: Edmonton in August. Because again, we haven't been walking in Hay River, let alone with my nose in the air so I can maim myself in a fall yet again. So yeah, this is rather basic. Also, no birds. I didn't see a single bird. I guess they must be migratory birds. Oh well... I call this series "Prairie Winter". Cause I'm original like that.

Every day I move on to better things.

Roommates' reply to landlady: THEIR dog is sick because he ate MY dog's food so it's my fault. Ummmmmm... So you're saying YOUR dog was in MY room? And that explains why he's roaming the house at night shitting everywhere? And he was made sick by Sissi's healthy fresh food, not by the stuff he can get into when you turn him out alone in the back alley to relieve himself? Right. That makes sense.

Also, roommate is now yelling at her hamsters to shut up. Who the fuck yells at a hamster? And why do you have six pets if all you do is yell at them and ignore their feces?

You know, I should call the girl's mother, not the landlady.

Final tally for the night: number of times roommates' dog had diarrhea in the kitchen and/or living room: 4; number of times they cleaned up: 1 (cause I made them); number of times *I* cleaned up: all the rest; number of bottles of Bacardi 151 left on kitchen counter: 1/2 (I'm sure half empty to them). I wonder if that Bacardi will still be on the counter by the time they wake up... or down the drain? Strangely enough, letting one's dog shit in a dwelling is not an offense, while pouring someone's property down the drain is. That's fucked up.

Allen: Time to get out of there...

Me: Not yet... I like the house and the location. What needs to be done is get these two idiots out of here.

Allen: That's a better idea!

Me: I know! I'm full of them. Good ideas, I mean.

Allen: Start putting the dog shit in the Bacardi bottles...

Me: BRILLIANT!!!! I should have thought of that.

Maybe I should just call child services. A 16-yo drinking 151 instead of going to school sounds like something they'd care about.

Allen: Doubt it. 16 in Alberta any way you can legally drop out of school.

Me: Nope... in Manitoba the legal age for leaving school AND for drinking is 18.

Roommates' dog shit in living room again. @#$%^&.

Sudden discovery of why my bed needs that superfluous part included in box but not shown in instructions. Awkward...

Congregation members introduce themselves and welcome new members: good. Congregation members say "are you the one from the Northwest Territories? So-and-so was telling me about you": not so good. You live in a small town long enough, you learn that any publicity is bad publicity.

Not-so-strange things my pastor says: "listen for the voice of God; it's the one calling you 'beloved'."

The Lenten worship was lovely. Very Lutheran praying, very Lutheran singing, very Lutheran fellowshipping. I discussed with my pastor what I could give up for Lent - how about getting annoyed at the roommates and the people who only call me when they want something? Ok, sounds good. So I get home to: Downstairs Roommate's baby screaming disconsolately for a long time; Upstairs Roommates' dog crapped all over the kitchen AND living room this time; Upstairs Roommates are washing their python's cage in the bathtub so I can't shower; and someone emailed me a list of things to do for her. Thank you, Lord, for reminding me of what I just said. You're nice like that, buddy.

And now, back to the fourth millennium.

You know what else I discovered yesterday? That McDonald's across the road from the library has a Sobey's behind it and a <drum roll> Ten Thousand Villages! Now I can get brain food, junk food, regular food and ethical food all at the same bus stop! You rock, Winnipeg! (And also: Lenten worship tonight, swimming Friday, watch cheerleading competition Saturday, church + Elijah Sunday, conservatory Monday. Hell's. Yes.)

Susan: Elijah? Did you mug an old lady for her ticket??

Me: Just about... I phoned one while she was driving. There were "a few extra tickets" released today, and if you could get a hold of this person on her cell, you got one. So I got one.

Phone rings in the middle of the day. Assuming it's a business call, possibly even job-related, I pick it up. Someone from Hay River talked my ear off about her health problems for 20 minutes and then hung up and I kinda have no idea who it was. Ok, I have a guess, but yeah, not really. 2500 km away and Hay Riverites STILL find a way to stop what I'm doing to talk about themselves. But on the other hand she does have some pretty cool health problems that would make for a good TV show, so at least her problems are interesting to listen to.

You know what I think would be really funny? If The Handsome One would finally get off his ass (and his crappy relationship) and phone me and I'd be like "sure, I'd love to go for coffee - when are you moving to Winnipeg?"

Things I've accomplished today:
1. dreamed of The Handsome One for the first time since leaving Hay River
2. got up in a timely way
3. obligatory viva voce conversation with Service Canada about my reasons for leaving my part-time jobs (which means they're in the process of deciding my claim RIGHT NOW)
4. scored a ticket to Elijah

I think I deserve a nap after all that work.

Mardrey: You got a ticket! Excellent. Hope the reasons for leaving those jobs sit well with them. I don't expect moving isn't an adequate reason to do do?

Me: The strange thing is that the government actually WANTS people to move to where there are jobs, but if you quit a crappy job in a dying town to go look for a better job in a vibrant city, they take away your benefits. ????? I think I gave them some pretty convincing BS... I've never lost one of these decisions yet, so I'm confident.

GOT MY TICKET TO ELIJAH!!!!!!! Seriously, that's the first I've ever heard of a classical music concert being sold out. Winnipeg is some kind of Shangri-La for the Canadian brain.

You know how you go to bed late, then you wake up late, then you go to bed even later, then you wake up even later, and before you know it you're getting up at 5 pm? I'm having the opposite problem. Since I left Hay River, I wake up earlier and earlier, then I want to go to bed earlier and earlier... But I'm sure as soon as I get a job, I'll go back to sleeping right through my alarm every day. It's like riding a bike, really. :)

I just ate $8.15 of sushi. Because food is so cheap here, I can afford to buy sushi and eat it all in one sitting.

Little-known fact about cleaning: covering up bad smells with artificial "good" smells only makes the place even less healthy. Get rid of the things that cause bad smells, open the windows for half an hour, done.

I can has.... Economist!!!! 12 days after it was printed. Way to go, Canada Post. This is just as crappy as Hay River. :(

Tell me again how cold it is?

One of the many things that aggravated me as I was preparing to move to Winnipeg is the people who mindlessly repeated that "Winnipeg is really cold." Oh yeah? Well at least people here aren't as fucking whiny as y'all, so it's nice like that. Plus it's sunny. Now of course someone had to tell me that Hay River is sunnier than Winnipeg but let me just put it to you this way: 60.83 N versus 49.88 N. Obviously Winnipeg is sunnier because it's eleven degrees further south. The sun rises eleven degrees higher in the sky. Yes, Hay River has a weird micro-climate that can prevent rain for weeks at a time. But then, it's on a giant lake, unlike Winnipeg which is landlocked. So no, Hay River doesn't get more sun. Grow a brain, or something.

Anyway, today is a somewhat boring day so far, so I made a graph of temperatures in Hay River v. Winnipeg since I got here. Or since February 2, because some data is missing for February 1. Thusly.

The funny thing is, they're time-shifted. Which is fairly obvious if you stop to think about it, but of course who bothers to stop and think about these things? Job-seekers on a slow day, I guess. So on the graph, you can actually see a warm air mass moving north and then back south, but it doesn't move smoothly. Clearly, it has a smaller oscillation superimposed on the dominant direction of movement. Also if you're wondering why Hay River gets higher highs over this period, I would have to say it's because the western edge of the airmass, closer to the Pacific Ocean, is warmer than the middle.

Fascinating... But in the end Winnipeg still wins out: 510.2 heat degree days over this period versus 541.1 for Hay River. Which is to say, Hay River is using 6% more heat to keep up with us. Neener neener!

Not very warm today. Maybe I'll stay home.

I get the distinct impression that someone in this house is smoking tobacco. Like, RIGHT NOW. Axe murder in 3... 2... 1...

No conservatory today due to the traditional "completely made-up meaningless provincial statutory holiday" tradition. Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame! And having the completely made-up meaningless provincial statutory holiday in February instead of August? Even more laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame! What good is a long weekend in February?

The downside of snoozing: the dog knows I'm awake enough to serve her.

Dilemma: dog finally stopped spazzing out and is falling asleep; I need to brush my teeth which will disturb her. @#$%^&. Damn you, roommates, and your little dog, too!

(later) I guess this would have made more sense if I explained that MY dog is spazzing out because THEIR dog has been barking like a maniac for two hours because that's what he does whenever they're both out.

Donna: Forget the teeth. Not worth the dog waking up.

Me: Ewwwww... I think the dog will get over it faster than I'd get over having my teeth rot and fall out.

Male roommate gets home after being gone two days. (Dang, I was hoping he had left her.) No sooner does he get into their room than she's bitching at him. Maybe we should bitch less about how men treat women and think more about how PEOPLE treat each other? "Just sayin'."

Strange things my pastor says: "I guess I'm just a chasuble to them." ? (I didn't have the heart to tell him that the people in question don't know the word "chasuble".)

Guy walks up to me at bus stop. "You follow hockey?" Me: "no." Launches into detailed account of Jets' current affairs. Concludes and walks away. Dafuq?

Chug coffee. Leave for church. Seize the day, something something. Nap.

Man, I'm dragging this morning. And as much as I love transit, the return trip from church is not the smoothest thing they offer. I need a nap.

Luckily, for those of us who can't afford drugs, there is My Little Pony on Netflix.

Then again she's vacuuming (the laminate floors) at nine at night all of a sudden, so maybe meth after all. Or maybe meth and smack together, mind you. But where would she get the money??? I don't even have that kind of money and I'm a responsible adult.

Cancel "meth". Meth is an upper, this is clearly a downer. She'd put out a lot more if she was on meth anyway. I'm gonna have to go with smack after all. That would explain the itching, lying in bed all day, the violent fits of sneezing, and why *I* cough and get headaches when I go upstairs to bed. I definitely need to get that window open soon...

F@#$%^ing landlady. The downstairs roommate and I decided on a two-pronged approach to try to get her to do something about the teenagers. In response she sends an email to everyone telling us we're all intelligent adults (um, neither?) and essentially we can solve our problems ourselves. Ummmm... I'm sorry but YOU made the decision to have two teenagers in this house and you misrepresented it to me and probably didn't even ask for Downstairs Roommate's opinion so yeah, YOU should be doing something about them. Ok, well, I can solve one problem by replacing the doorknob on my bedroom with a keyed-entry one which would hopefully deter such drug dealers and other teenagers as they may let into the house from time to time from touching my shizz. And I guess since they refuse to be polite or be spoken to like actual adults would, I can put signs all over the place. "Lock the door." "Take your garbage out." "Clean up after yourself." Don't bother me... if you want to play house like grown-ups, start playing the part for real.

Cancel that. When I was 16 I didn't have my drug dealer come to the house... and systematically leave the front door of the house open because I'm too dumb to understand that it needs the deadbolt to stay closed...

As much as I'm unimpressed with the female roommate, I also can't help wondering if I was like that when I was that age... or possibly even worse...

No ticket to Elijah AND I can't find reliable information about climate in the fourth millennium. Poop. :(

First photos: Henderson library branch

The adult stacks.



The adult stacks, featuring the colander chairs. Seems rather convenient as long as you're not too fat, but so far I can't fathom the purpose of the colander. Maybe to collect meltwater from your boots while you're sitting so it doesn't stain the carpet?







Er... Vintage animal-shaped leather poufs? They're on the children's side. Children always get all the cool stuff.



And of course my personal favourite: the self-checkout! Strangely, none of the stores here seem to have self-checkout, except Ikea, but at least the library does. That way you never have to talk to the librarians... which can be good or bad. The head librarian in Hay River was one of my favourite people, but then, I didn't come to Winnipeg so people could talk to me, you know. Plus, I like to do things myself. So yeah, self-checkout. Self-renewal from home on the website. Self-putting in InterLibrary Loan requests from the website, too. I love Winnipeg.

Elijah is sold out. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I see skies of blue, clouds of white, bright blessed days, dark sacred nights, and I think to myself... good morning, Winnipeg!

Rommate was up past 3 am listening to music too loud. Hmmmm... Queen of the Night at 7:50 am, or be the bigger man?

Gilles: Lol do you miss me I was a good roomate.

Me: Of course I miss you!

Tatelena: Blast some tunes!!!

Me: I think I'll blast them with some opera some time when they're having sex. That's way funnier. Though I doubt they'll be having sex any time soon cause they're having a big fight. LOL

FINALLY I figured out how to get InterLibrary Loans here. I love you, Winnipeg.

So here is my excuse for spending so much time watching Toddlers and Tiaras: I can't find my flash drive, therefore I can't take my project to Staples to print it, therefore I can't edit it. And I refuse to buy a new flash drive because I KNOW I packed the old one and it's here somewhere. But as soon as I have my flash drive and/or a job, I'll be back to my old educated, literate, mentally active self.

Sitting on the couch eating chocolate cheesecake and watching Toddlers and Tiaras. I'm like, channeling Honey Boo Boo's mom or something.

I had the same pot from the day I first moved out on my own until the day I left Hay River and gave it away to a friend. That's 18 years with the same pot. So I was unpleasantly surprised that this house does not come with shared kitchen things as is usually the case in a shared house. Hmmmmm... But then I discovered that Canadian Tire was selling a steel Lagostina pot of the same size, normally retailing at $120, for just $30. WTF? And why is that not in your flyer? Of course I'm buying it. Eeeeeeeexcellent. Now Heather has my good quality pot and I have an excellent quality pot. Everyone's happy! Except the roommate because his dog shit on the mat in front of the door and of course his girlfriend ain't about to clean it up... I guess some of us make better choices than others.

Dear roommates: leaving the bathroom door closed and the light on after shitting or showering only works if the bathroom has a fan that is on the same switch as the light. Our bathroom has no fan and the window does not open, so leave the door OPEN to vent the moisture into the hallway and the light OFF to not waste energy. And if you're concerned about smells, start by cleaning your ferret's cage. Oh yeah, and maybe your brain would be able to tell you these things if you fed it a healthy diet instead of alcohol, drugs, video games and staying in bed all day...

It's so nice waking up in Winnipeg. So many things you can do in a day, so few people to tell you how to do it. Which isn't to say I might not have a nap before lunch.

Roommates are having a domestic dispute. Which reminds me, it's like, Valentine's Day, or something. The best day of the year to be single!

Ikea has bookends for $2 / pair. Staples has much uglier bookends for $9 / pair. But Staples is one short bus ride away and Ikea is three buses. Hmmmmm... Dilemma.

Walmart: win. Car wash: fail. Never go to the carwash on a warm day.

There's a crackhead sitting on my bumper. With a cat. Hmmm... Cops or no cops?

Tatelena: Observe n report! I'm starting to love reading the life and times of Elise Marie

Me: He moved on without having to be asked. So did the cat. And I don't know the cops' number here... maybe I should look it up.

Tatelena: Umm I think it might be 911.

Me: 911 is for emergencies... I don't think a crackhead and a cat sitting on a car not doing any harm is an emergency. I notice they got a cool thing though, you know how school buses have those flashing strobe lights on top? Well cabs have them too but they're never on, and it says on the side of the cab "if strobe is flashing call 911". I wish I'd have an emergency beacon on my cab a few times...

Walmart. No me gusta.

Put garbage in bin at McD's; bin says "thank you." Dafuq? What was in those fries?

For a moment there I thought the female roommate was showering! Nah, turns out the male roommate didn't go to school today. That makes a lot more sense...

I think I might drive my vehicle today. It needs a wash.

No Economist. If they sent it to Hay River again I'm gonna be very very angry.

So many things to share, so few Facebook updates. First of all, I discovered something even more awesome than the bus. Yes, that's right, EVEN MORE AWESOME. You know what? Rapit transit bus. It looks like light-rail transit, but the buses run through it instead of trains. Holy crap, it moves fast. And it's much more convenient than the train/bus interface.

Second, I went to the Home Depot job fair. Bus there: 1 hour; job fair: 2.25 hours; bus home: 1.25 hours. Phew... Tired. But it looks rather promising because they said that if my background check checks out I will hear back from them within two weeks, whereas they told the other guy who was in the room at the same time that "if he's selected" he'll hear back from them. So if it's just a question of my criminal record and my references, I think some cautious optimism is warranted.

And also I learned my two songs and two studies and they're easy. The only question now is: what shall I conquer tomorrow?

I can sit right here on the couch and renew my library books myself. And the library sends me an email BEFORE they are due, not after, so I know when to renew them. This place is like Star Trek. (Ok, maybe Star Trek on reds.)

I emailed Diane Finley to suggest implementing Pole Emploi in Canada. That's just the kind of vicious trick the Conservatives should love, right? Her email-reader assures me that the matter "will be given proper consideration."

I'm riding on a bus, I'm riding on a bus, i-o-de-merry-o I'm riding on a bus.

I can see Revenue Canada from here!

Looking at the website of a potential employer. They have a long screed about their integrity, and for some reason, in the middle of a sentence, there is a tiny Chinese flag. Er......... I don't get it.

My original plan was to use the practice rooms at the conservatory, to avoid bothering the roommates. But when you think about it, I don't see how they would deserve that kind of courtesy.

Hot new pastor: "So, what brought you to First Lutheran?" Eeeeeeer... Which is more awkward: lying to your new pastor, or "I saw your photo and you're HOT"? Thank God I'm a Lutheran and I can sin boldly cause I'm saved!

Also, you know why my new pastor has TWO Master's degrees? Cause one of them is on Islam. Be still, my heart!

Woman carrying baby boards bus. Teenager immediately gives up her seat. Winnipeg.

Things to do today: coffee with hot dude with two Masters' degrees; learn my two songs; more job applications. Unemployment in Winnipeg is fun, but I still think a job would be even more fun.

Waiting at the bus stop after voice lesson; an alcoholic accosts me to talk about himself, thus ending my 14-day streak of nobody interrupting what I'm doing to talk about themselves. Et tu, Winnipeg?

Good news: 55 new jobs posted so far today on Job Bank. Bad news: none of them are what I'm looking for. You can't win them all, I suppose.

You know, Hay River, now that I'm gone, the library's Literacy Challenge crown is up for grabs. Or maybe no one will challenge it and they can just mail me the prize. :)

Roommate's father tries to walk past Her Majesty with the hyper jack russel in tow. Says to daughter "look, she almost bit him." I go look, Her Majesty is lying motionless ignoring them entirely. "Almost bit him?" She doesn't "almost bite". She either bites or she doesn't, and I'd have heard it if she had. I'd like to live in this strange imaginary world other people know where reality doesn't exist.

Caught up with the Economists that the library has and I don't; borrowed Der Spiegel instead. It looks like McLean's-style drivel, but at least it's in German, so it will exercise my brain.

Little girl in church didn't quite get "peace be with you", runs around saying to everyone "pleased to meet you." Cute. Mother of Down Syndrome boy asks her son "are you gonna make Elise feel welcome in our church?" Boy answer "no! Not now." Knowing how the atypical brain works (i.e. "not the way you think"), I wonder what he was thinking.

Church: one of the top three reasons I moved.

And have I mentioned my new pastor is HOT?

Well, I suppose I'd better go to bed. Tomorrow is another day... namely CHURCH DAY!!!! Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! To be followed immediately by TAX FILING DAY AND CONSERVATORY DAY!!!!! Weeeeeeeeeeee! My life will be so perfect once I get a job.

Female roomate to male roommate, referring to cheese in pot: "IT'S NOT MELTED, IT'S JUST LIQUID." O... K... then...

Female roommate shouting to male roommate: "WALK QUIETLY, THERE IS A BABY DOWNSTAIRS MOST LIKELY SLEEPING OR SHITTING." She reminds me of that line in Evita, "she didn't say much but she said it loud."

Bank on walking route to library: open Saturdays. Sweet.

Guess what, Hay River? You: -17 C, overcast, snowy, forecast is to continue like that all day. Me: -4 C, overcast, NOT snowy, forecast to clear later on. Also, your average job postings on Job Bank per week: zero; mine: 300. Also, number of buses serving you: zero; number of buses serving me: 545. It's not gracious to gloat but boy did you bring it on yourself.

The male roommate brags to his girlfriend that MY dog will do "whatever he tells her". Hmmmmm... While I don't approve of her habit of telling him loudly and frequently to shut up (hardly appropriate when someone is supporting you to do nothing all day), now would have been a good time for that. Just so you know, little boy, my dog will do exactly whatever she pleases. You, on the other hand, are gonna be my bitch. Don't mistake your place in the pack.

See handsome dude on bus; don't stalk him. City life.

Swim one hour: 670 calories. Cheesecake brownie from bakery on the corner: 1000 calories, i bet. Gotta maintain my "curves".

How is it possible that bus 16 runs westbound every half hour and eastbound every 15 minutes? Wouldn't all the buses end up piling up at the east end?

Except for all those job applications, today was a waste of a day. But at least it was a day wasted in Winnipeg; hence all the job applications. A day wasted in Hay River is just 24 hours closer to death.

I had a brilliant idea! I could find a local radio station with online audio streaming, and listen to it, thus finding out information about current events in Winnipeg. Word!

Riding on a bus with an obvious brake problem. A bit unnerving.

All day I was nauseous, headachy and pissed off because (I thought) the downstairs roommate had used some kind of product with a strong fragrance and the smell wouldn't go away. But it turns out it's actually the new deodorant I bought because it was so much cheaper than my regular one. Oops... Sorry, downstairs roommate. Back to Axe for me!

Why yes, I do want a job.

A reader on Facebook left the following comment: "I get the feeling you are out job hunting for more reasons than just to get a job."

Hmmmm... I'm not sure what she means by it. In fact, I haven't the faintest idea what she means by it. I figured, I want a job cause I want a job. I mean, who doesn't want a job? But the more I think about it, the more I do want a job for more reasons than just to get a job, thusly.

1) Money
Yeah, well, that's pretty much the whole point of a job, no? But unlike the Northwest Territories, it's not just about paying the bills anymore. Because here in Winnipeg there are many, many things to do with one's money. Among some of the things I want to do with money:
- pay for voice lessons
- pay for show tickets e.g. ballet, choral concerts, opera, perhaps even cinema, and who knows what else? There's always something going on.
- buy shelves for my books
- take the dog to a V-E-T. Hopefully they can do something about her hips and her head.
- go to restaurants, starting with the Kawaii Creperie. There are tons of restaurants here.
- put money in the plate at church. First Lutheran lists on the bulletin how much was donated the previous week and how many worshippers were there, and it looks like they average $30 a hear. Ouch... I don't have that kind of money.

2) Something to do
Duh. Unemployment is nothing if not boring.

3) Stability
I would say the worst part of unemployment or the string of crap jobs you do for survival in Hay River is that you can never plan. You can't plan vacations, you can't plan charitable giving, you can't even buy a big pile of books, because you never know when some evil bitch boss is gonna toss you and you'll be screwed again. So half the point of Winnipeg is to get a REAL job where you show up, do your work, go home, get paid on a regular basis, see the boss as little as possible. Which ought to be possible in a city, no?

4) Completion
From an emotional point of view, this is the part that would matter, if I cared much about emotions. To me this whole thing isn't really a "transition". Yeah, I moved 2400 km, but I didn't "change my life" or anything. I didn't change who I am; I just went to be myself somewhere more interesting. But the thing is, until I get a job, I'm still "moving to Winnipeg." I'm still in that alleged transition. From the point of view of the people who think this has a possibility of failure (it doesn't, never mind), it hasn't "succeeded" until I get a job. And from my point of view, I'm not altogether settled until I'm in a job.

So yeah. I guess, if you want to look at it that way, I am looking for work for more than just to get a job.

My brother just sent me $650. HOLY CRAP! That's insane. My brother's like me except perhaps more so: gruff, no-bullshit exterior, generous and caring inside.

I wonder why the Job Bank gets so much busier at the end of the week. Maybe employers put off doing job postings until late in the week because they don't like it.

I just applied to a job where under "other languages" it lists Arabic. On the one hand, I'd love to learn some Arabic; on the two hand, I wonder if a devout, female Christian stands a chance in an Arabic-speaking workplace.

You know what I miss about Hay River? My job. I miss going to work at Super A.

I decided to sleep in, since the employers don't get up early. Let's see if this decision pays off.

Alrighty then. I just need two pry bars and I'm done.

Tomorrow's project: get bedroom window open. The damn thing isn't just painted shut, it's carefully caulked, then painted, and it has an L-bracket screwed on for extra closing power. So somebody was very determined that every window in this house should be absolutely prevented from opening. What's funny isn't just that it was done, but that the owner's boyfriend is a contractor and if he had a f'ing clue about his work, he'd have ripped that right out the moment he saw the house. It's sad that any idiot can call himself a carpenter.

National Building Code 9.7.1.2: Bedroom Windows

1) Except where the suite has a sprinkler, each bedroom or combination bedroom shall have at least one outside window or exterior door operable from the inside without the use of key, tools or special knowledge and without the removal of sashes or hardware.

2) The window referred to in Sentence (1) shall provide and unobstructed opening of not less than 0.35 m2 in area with no dimension less than 380 mm, and maintain the required opening during an emergency without the need for additional support.

3) If the window referred to in Sentence (1) is provided with security bars, the security bars shall be operable from the inside without the use of any tools or special knowledge.

In other news, I'm starting to like the male roommate better. At first I thought he was a douche because he acted like a baby, but since he IS a baby, that kinda makes sense. And I'm starting to admire the fact that he does go out to school religiously every day and then comes home, does laundry, walks the dog, washes dishes, takes the trash out, and eats some actual food, while his girlfriend sleeps until 1, sits in bed all day listening to bad music, never showers that I can tell, and apparently eats nothing but popcorn. (And E. Or meth.) (And doesn't put out, either, as far as I can tell.) I'd be uptight too if I were him. Though of course if I were him I'd boot her lazy arse out, but that's just me. Some people are more tolerant of mooches than I am.

Hello, Mr. Piano. I've missed you. Now I supposed I'll need to liberate Mr. Piano Music from the box that's too heavy to haul out of the car. Soon, Mr. Piano. Soon...

In Manitoba, forklift operators are required to be certified BY THEIR EMPLOYER. Yet most employers expect forklift operators to come already certified. In that sense, it's not very different from the Northwest Territories. Except that here there are actually employers looking for workers. That's totally different.

Sixteen-year-old roommate listening to "I will survive". Srsly???

Averaging 4.5 job applications a day. Yes, librarian person, there ARE more jobs in Winnipeg than in Hay River. Imagine that.

Diana: I get the feeling you are out job hunting for more reasons than just to get a job.

Me: It's mostly to get money, really. The part about working is less important.

My dog license is here! Now I can get unlimited library privileges!

It's so nice being able to walk to the computer any time of the day or night and rustle up some place to send a resume.

I guess it's too early in the day for job applications, the new postings aren't up yet. Maybe I could... play the piano for a while? Read the Economist? Unpack some stuff? Come on, employers, get posting.

Good morning, Winnipeg. How many job opportunities can you show me today?

The female roommate, who I recently found out is 16 years old and not in school (so much for "educated, career-driven roommates"), is talking loudly to her boyfriend, viz. the 19-year-old male roommate, about how she's high right now. Gee, that's funny, I could have sworn the landlady said she doesn't allow drugs in the house.

And I don't smell weed, so I'd be interested to know what she's high on. E? Meth? Snow? Probably E. They can't possibly have enough money for snow.

I can haz.... piano power cord!!!!!!!!!!!! And everything on the piano still works! Booya!

I've now been in Winnipeg for one week and six hours. Achieved so far:

- bought and assembled comfy Ikea bed

- haven't driven the car since the first day because transit rocks (I should take it to the car wash and get rid of the salt though)

- walked hither and yon in the warm weather and non-icy sidewalks

- applied for dog license

- went swimming in 50-m pool; turns out I didn't forget how

- visited a really pleasant church (I have to investigate the hot pastor's theology further, but so far, so good)

- located library; obtained library card; borrowed Economist

- learned to say "hello, my name is Elise" in Finnish

- got a professional opinion on my singing and signed up for voice lessons

- informed Human Resources of my move and the reasons why; decision expected in three weeks

- 14 job applications in five business days; it would take about five years to apply to that many jobs in Hay River

- job interview scheduled for 13 February

- one of the jobs applied to involves melting all the pennies in Canada (I hope I get this one)

- no one is stalking me (yet)

- don't even care what The Handsome One is up to these days

I'm pretty sure this was a damn good idea.

Me: So guess what? I just applied to the penny-melting job. Thanks for giving me the idea. I'll let you know if I get a call back.

Diana: Haha. You will let us know just how awesome it would be to be the one melting pennies!

Me: Now I have this horrible vision of Slimey doing inappropriate things with his pennies in the knowledge that they will carry his love to me... But man, I want to melt those pennies.

I wonder if you get to shovel them into a huge funnel, like an old-fashioned coal stoker. Probably not, though.

Diana: I wonder what they pay you in...

Me: Bullion? I know they got bullion.

I wonder if you get to polish the bullion when you're not busy melting pennies.

Diana: I wonder what else would fit in the giant flaming funnel....

Me: Cannabis. Steel can hold a lot of THC oil.

Let's turn the Squawk into a chronicle of my adventures in Manitoba. I've got so much more to say to Hay River now! LOL

Truck identical to Slimey's drives past me. Haha, can't scare me, I know you'll never find me.

Squawk survey: What are you gonna do with your pennies?

Me: Guess where the pennies are going to be melted? About 10 km from my house. I could just go on over there and watch them melt the pennies. Hey, I bet I could even get a job there. Go ahead, tell me again why Winnipeg sucks. You know you want to.

Diana: Hahaha. Now there is no doubt which responses are yours.

Me: You gotta admit it would be awesome to be the one melting the pennies.

So, conservatory evaluation. First time ever singing anything technical with an audience, let alone an audience who can tell exactly what I'm doing wrong.

My new teacher happens to be an opera singer herself and was thrilled that I proposed to sing from Gianni Schicchi. She says I have "a healthy range" meaning I have a consistent tone properly produced throughout my range. As for the aria she said I had good tone and "understand where the harmonics are going" which is funny cause I have no idea what she's talking. Also that my Italian is very good, again strange since I don't speak a word of it. I'm just good at mimicking the pronunciation. So the plan is that we will focus more on art song to "get familiar with my voice" for now, but she does think that auditioning for the Phil for September is realistic. Right there, moving to Winnipeg was all worthwhile.

Also she said the piece I sang is "very difficult" and "we hear it butchered so much." Really? I thought it was the easiest piece I knew, except for the octave jumps to A, of which I missed one (but only one).

What I sang for my conservatory evaluation. I sing it a little faster, though.

Boy at conservatory has same jacket as Tyrell. Sigh... I miss you, little buddy.

Slow day for jobs: "only" three job applications. And now, I better start getting ready for my meeting with the potential voice teacher.

I have to meet with a potential voice teacher tonight at 7:30. I REALLY wish I had my piano power cord so I could do some scales or something...

Winnipeg, day 6. Now I tackle the greatest challenge of this transition: convincing EI that I had good reasons for quitting my two jobs in Hay River.

Dog keeps falling off bed and doesn't seem to learn how not to. No problem, I'll buy safety rails. Prices start at... $90. ???????????? Are you insane?????

I wonder which stepstool Her Majesty would prefer for climbing on and off the bed: Sesame Street, Disney Princesses, or Cars?

Sunday night is a bit depressing when you don't have a job to go to Monday morning. I wonder if I can find ten jobs to apply to tomorrow.

Did I mention I now have a Winnipeg Public Library card? It's a "limited" card because I don't have any proof of my Winnipeg adress yet, so I can only take 2 items. Naturally, I made off with an Economist. Then when I get the dog's license, I can use it to get full privileges, which means I can take 50 items. Hmmmm... I think I'll need the car to carry my 50 items home. Damn, I like Winnipeg.

Church was AWESOME. The hot pastor is also a pretty good preacher. The music was... very Lutheran, thank God. Lutherans basically sing constantly. Several songs in a row, at least half of them by Marty Haugen. Instruments included piano, guitar, four teenaged girls with brass instruments, and a small boy with a violin. The communion bread was excellent (communion wine, not so much, but you're not supposed to enjoy communion wine). The church itself was built in 1878 by Icelandic settlers (or so I gather) and has stained glass windows. The congregation is diverse including pre-born to very old, all colours of man, a wide range of economic status, and at least one person with a visible disability. You know what they don't have though? Fat people. The people who stand out in terms of weight in Winnipeg would be about average in Hay River. Other than all the awesomeness of Winnipeg, that's really the one thing that's odd compared to Hay River: where are all the fat people???

Anyway, I tried to imagine myself back in Hay River, as I was only a week ago, and I'd have been doing nothing at all in my apartment full of the neighbour's poisonous perfume, or worse, I'd have had to go to church at St. Andrew's. I shudder to think of it. Oh wait! Even worse: I would have been driving cab for f'all money. I didn't think I'd miss Hay River too much, but I still thought it would be more than this.

And now, just seven more sleeps until... MORE CHURCH! Man, it's good to be back among Lutherans.

Also, public library is across street from McD's.

Public library has The Economist. O. M. G.

Church day!!! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Also, Hay River -34, Winnipeg -20. HA-ha!)

Is there a parental control to lock down the browser after bedtime? Cause I can see myself staying up late looking a completely random crap a lot now that I have internet in my bedroom.

Today's Winnipeg adventure: had conversations with my roommates! Well, almost. The guy was out today and most of yesterday (and overnight, I think) and both the girls' mothers dropped by for visits, so the mothers chatted amiably with me, as adults are wont to do when meeting new people. Then the girls participated. Maybe they're intimidated because I'm not only much older but much bigger and more butch than them.

Later, I got around to unpacking four boxes (34% of total). Still no sign of my piano power cord, but I can see things taking shape. I was disappointed when I first saw the place, but I was tired and frustrated at the time. Now that I'm in a good mood, I'm liking it.

Tomorrow's Winnipeg adventure: ride the bus a) to church (the one with the hot pastor), b) to the library, c) to Safeway, d) back home. What a chore it would be to do all that by car!

Finally liberated my atlas and dictionary! Now I can understand words! Nous! Numinous! Tatterdemalion! Anomie! Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!

In all the excitement, I lost count of where we're to in the lectionary. Good thing I have my perpetual lectionary calendar to inform me that tomorrow is lectionary 4, year C.

I can't wait to have a job so I can pay for all the things I could be doing if I had a job to pay for them. That's why life is actually cheaper up north: ain't nothing to do, therefore you don't need any money to pay for it.

Woken up in the night by the pain in my shoulder. WTF? Only *I* manage to get swimmer's shoulder from doing breaststroke.

After three days in Winnipeg, I have to admit I was really, really, really BUSHED!

Today's Winnipeg adventure: took the bus ($2.15), went swimming in 50-m pool ($2.00), took the bus home ($2.15). That's right, a 50-m pool. I hate to gloat, but remind me again why you think I'm ever moving back to Hay River?

There are *foozeball* tables at the rec centre. I've died and gone to heaven.

Swimming things: check. Piano power cord: not check. Hmmmmm... There is no way I left it in the apartment, is there? I left the extension cord that connected from the outlet to the piano, TV and DVD player, but I did NOT leave the power cords. I'm sure of that. I guess they must be in box 14, 15 or 17.

Job applications: 6/6. Six job applications in one hour, without even trying. BOO. YA. And my swimming things are in box #12. Everything's coming up Milhouse!

Job applications: 5/6.

Job applications: 4/6. I can almost smell the chlorine already. :)

Job applications: 2/6.

Job applications: one down, five to go. And if I get done early and have time to look for my bathing suit, I could ride on the bus to the 50-m swimming pool and do some laps. I'm so in love with you, Winnipeg.

Good morning, Winnipeg! How bright and sunny you are at 9:00 AM. Today I will apply to at least six jobs, then walk to the thrift store and buy something suitable for church. The only fly in the ointment is that The Economist's online address-changing thing doesn't work so it kept resetting my address to Hay River. Now they've done it manually and they're "pleased to inform me" that starting February 9 my Economist will go to the right address. What??? You douchebags! I'm gonna miss a whole bunch of them!